March 20th, 2013
Thanks for your visit. I’m sorry you didn’t ring the doorbell and pause for a chat. I appreciate you were busy and pressed for time. And thanks for not waking me up. What was it, 2.30am? I would have been happy to brew a pot of tea for tea two of us, but, as I say, you were busy and you didn’t want to wake the neighbours.
Thanks for being so quiet when you broke the quarter-light to get access to my car. Did you notice how gently the engine fired up when you crossed the wires? None of us heard you at all! I realise you kept the revs down till you had at least got out of the car park, before you opened up and sped off to some other part of London. Well before I stepped out at 8.30am and saw what you’d done, my car was off the street in your garage, being sprayed a nice new colour (you don’t like blue-grey? matter of taste, I suppose) and fitted with a new set of plates.
I hate you.
Now, now, I must calm down. Did you know the United Nations has declared 20 March (yes, that’s today!) the International Day of Happiness? So while my first reaction to your visit is that you have caused me considerable inconvenience, have deprived me of a source of innocent pleasure, are going to cost me I-don’t-know-how-much in insurance as well as the cost of the car, and that you are a miserable, thoughtless, worthless criminal, I have to acknowledge that you have as much right to happiness as any other human, and if your way of claiming that is to take possession of a car which happens to belong to me, with no regard for the effect on me, well, who am I to complain?
You arsehole.
That may strike you as unduly hostile. It’s only a car, after all. And you weren’t to know that I’d spent £54 yesterday on a new spare tyre, after I’d got a puncture yesterday morning. Perhaps I should also thank you for relieving me of my car before I’d paid out for a new tax disk – you possibly hadn’t noticed the present one expires on 31 March.
In a league table of car theft worldwide, the UK appears in second place after the United States. You must be proud of helping this country keep up with the villainous Joneses, and I suppose, looking at it from a green standpoint, what I still think of as my car is probably being recycled as I write.
However philosophically I try to reflect on this episode, I cannot escape from the conclusion that the Chancellor has been wasting his time this afternoon, presenting his plans to make this country a better, richer, more successful place, while vermin like you are working to send us all down the toilet. (At the time of writing I don’t know what the Chancellor’s plans are, as I’ve spent the afternoon trying to repair the damage you’ve done to my life.)
You belong in a zoo. Come to think of it, I wouldn’t wish the likes of you on any zoo. You belong in prison.
By contrast, PC Ainsworth, of the Metropolitan Police, and her colleagues, who took my calls today, and Natalie Stringer, and her colleagues, at Aviva, who dealt with my claim, all made a great contribution to the International Day of Happiness. I thank them all.
Categories: Uncategorized
August 11th, 2012
Grand Canyon, 9 August 2012
The sun is already rising as I find my way from my lodge at Yavapai Canyon Inn to Mather Point, on the south rim, which the Grand Canyon National Park guide describes as “the classic first view of Grand Canyon”.
As I reach the edge, even with the security of the waist-high fence to prevent me tumbling into the void, there’s an initial unease, looking out over the drop into the canyon. That quickly dissolves, as my attention is drawn to the canyons within the canyon, shadows and highlights multiplying each other as I look deeper. I find it impossible to estimate distances – from this, the south rim, to the north rim opposite, or from here at the top to there, at the lowest visible point. The alternating bands of colour – grey, almost white, graduating to pink, yellow, brown and darker, indeterminate grey shadows towards the canyon floor – call to mind the countless millions of years over which this seventh wonder of the world has formed. Down every facet of the stone walls, thousands of rivulets have been carved by air, fire and, most of all, water.
As I arrive a professional photographer’s tripod is already set up, the camera automatically rotating and scanning, taking a new exposure every few seconds. The soft whirring of the camera’s motor and the click of the shutter join with the sounds of birds and bullfrogs. Undeterred, I switch on my modest camera and take lots of pictures as the rising dawn increasingly lights up the yellows, pinks and greys of this giant landscape.
I chat briefly with a woman standing on the same look-out. A squirrel appears and, for some reason, I can’t resist telling her his name is Cyril – on the authority of my grandfather, no less, who told us stories about Cyril the squirrel and Sebastian the seagull. (I don’t mention Sebastian.)
The photographer appears and, eschewing conversation or even acknowledging my presence, checks the progress of his picture harvest. As he packs his equipment away and he and the woman go off together, I am sure he is confident of finding some masterpieces among the hundreds (thousands?) of images his camera has gathered, and will no doubt sell them profitably. If, among the few dozen shots I have taken, I find one good enough to enlarge and hang on my living room wall, I shall be content.
I take a few images of Cyril, breakfasting on a pine cone, and a couple of a bird with striking blue plumage. A young American couple think it might be a blue jay.
Bird, squirrel, photographer and his partner – pleasant enough distractions from the main event, which happens a little earlier: meditation on the south rim. The less said of that, the better – sufficient to say that this is an extraordinarily peaceful place. I resolved six months or so ago that my holiday this year should be an American adventure. Meditating at the Grand Canyon fulfills that.
Categories: Uncategorized
May 17th, 2012
OK, you’ve written your newsletter, or your annual report, and you’re ready to upload it to your web site, or email it out to potential customers, or journalists who you hope will give your business some publicity.
Hang on a sec… Has it been proof-read?
No, don’t give me that old-fashioned look! I asked you, has this piece been proof-read? You wouldn’t have it professionally printed without proofs being checked first, would you?
Your reply might be something like “Oh, yes – I’ve printed a copy out and read through it very carefully. It’s all ok.” In that case, my response is: “Sorry, that’s not proof-reading. That’s the author casting an eye over their own work.”
Proof-reading invariably and necessarily recruits a second pair of eyes to look afresh at your document. Why? Well, think about it: who wrote the document? Why, you did. And did you think carefully about the content, the way it was presented? Of course you did. Who knows better than you, what you were trying to say? No one, obviously. So, inevitably, when you read through the copy you’ve printed, you do so in the knowledge that it’s perfect! In fact, you’re so pleased with what a brilliant job you’ve done, that when you read it you won’t see any of the mistakes.
The reason you need someone else to proof-read your work is that you know it’s right, and so you won’t see where it’s wrong.
Examples of errors like this pop up daily: “practice” and “practise” frequently get confused; are you offering advice or trying to advise? And as I’m sure you spotted in my headline, typing errors are easy to miss. Oddly enough, where words are set in a larger typeface, especially all in capitals, typographical errors can all too easily slip through.
I’m not just touting for business here – though naturally, proof-reading is a service offered by Words for Business. The crucial thing is: before you release that document into which you’ve poured your heart and soul, pass it across the desk and let a colleague check it over.
Thanks, Lisa Malyon, of Sense Communications, for proof-reading this for me. That’s one I owe you!
Categories: Proofreading, Words for Business
April 23rd, 2012
Once you’ve met James Bulman you don’t forget him. At six foot three and, at a guess, a not-at-all-flabby sixteen stone, he cuts an imposing dash. You may have heard him talking about telephones: he knows what he’s talking about; and it comes over with supreme confidence. Face it: if your phones don’t do for you what they should do for you, James knows why, and he knows what to do about it.
So what, you might ask, does his impressive physique and demeanour have to do with the success of his communications business, Ability Partnership? Everything, that’s what. Surely, you might argue, it all rests on the fact that he’s taken the trouble to learn just about everything there is to know about telephones, and he knows how to apply that to businesses large and small? Not at all: that’s just the final playing-out of a lifetime of experience.
Look at James from the customer’s viewpoint: they may not care one way or another about his physique, or anything else about him apart from the fact that he knows how to fix their phones. But he inspires confidence. (Bear with me, please: I’m not trying to get elected as president of the JB Fan Club, though it may look like that. This is about understanding how we can pour all our faculties into the hunt for success.)
Like all of us, James has a life history which has made him what he is now. At age 10, he joined the Sea Cadets. He stayed with them, and with the Royal Navy, when he enrolled at Dartmouth Naval College, where, as he puts it, he learnt about team leadership.
This – and the confidence which arises from it – is evident from the way he lists his own attributes, with neither self-doubt nor bragging conceit: “I can teach others to do the things I can do. I have the power of command – the expectation that I will be obeyed.”
In an armed services context, that confidence is about inspiring excellence and performance from those under command. In the commercial marketplace, it can also apply to the way we deal with customers. On the plus side, it inspires confidence that James will deliver what he promises; and if there are issues about what’s delivered, he handles them from strength, too. Complaints? Every business has them occasionally; when they’re legitimate, we apologise, but if not, be prepared for a polite but firm rebuff from James.
Now James is harnessing these leadership skills, which have served him so well in business, in a not-for-profit training company, Group Ability UK, which will work with schools, churches and other groups.
Watch this space.
Categories: BNI
December 1st, 2011
Press release: 1 December 2011
UK team designs and builds mechanical hero
A British Business, Dick George Creatives, has designed and built the automaton which appears in Martin Scorsese’s new family film, ‘Hugo’.
The family fantasy is based on Brian Selznick’s novel, ‘The Invention of Hugo Cabret’, in which the automaton is a link between the hero, Hugo, and his late father.
Most film-makers today would use computer-generated imagery (CGI) to portray such a character. But Dick George Creatives won the contract with the film’s production company to design and build a working robotic man.
The team was a solely UK based collective of 26 experienced prop and model makers. The project spanned more than eight months, during which time Dick George Creatives designed and built 15 automata. These included two capable of drawing a picture.
One of the requirements was for the automaton to hold a traditional pen, dip it in an inkwell and make a complete drawing a representation of George Melie’s iconic ‘Man in the Moon’ image. The programming for this sequence involved nearly 15,000 lines of computer code. Scorsese’s reaction when he first saw the automata in action? “Excellent work, gentlemen, excellent!”
Dick George said: “We have a team of amazing people who worked together for nearly a year to get the job done. I personally am very proud and pleased with what was created, but possibly more proud to have led a wholly committed and dedicated team of people on a unique movie-making journey. It’s unlikely a project like this will ever happen again.”
Dick George, who operates from workshops in Surrey, has been working for film-makers for 35 years, including producing helmets for the storm troopers in the first ‘Star Wars’ movie.
End
Issued on behalf of Dick George Creatives by Words for Business – contact David Goymour on +44 (0)20 8647 7389
david.goymour@wordsfor.biz
Dick George – +44 (0)20 8339 2555 or +44(0)7841 584599
info@dickgeorge.co.uk
www.hugomovie.com
Categories: News
October 3rd, 2011
Press release: 2 October 2011
Business people to meet at The Big Network
Local businesses are being invited to The Big Network, an evening opportunity to share ideas and make new contacts. The event, at the Holiday Inn Sutton, on 13 October 2011 at 7pm, is organised by a group of members at Sutton BNI (Business Network International), who specialise in offering services to the business sector.
Networking is increasingly recognised as one of the most powerful ways of expanding a business, and BNI is the world’s most successful organisation of this kind. The Sutton chapter meets on Thursdays at 6.45am, when members pass referrals to each other and exchange information which can help them promote each other’s businesses.
The Big Network will bring together 50 businesses who possibly have not been to BNI’s breakfast meetings but could work with its members. Tickets for the event are £10, including a glass of wine and a light buffet.
To book a place, call Vanita Patel on 07949 508837 or Alan Johnson, on 07977 631792.
Note for editors
Issued by David Goymour of Words for Business for Sutton BNI: 07884 354913
For further information call Vanessa Udall, chapter director: 07753 791022
Please publish anything you can before the event. We look forward to meeting you or your reporter on 13 October, as guests of Sutton BNI.
Categories: BNI, News
Tags: News
September 16th, 2011
The business services power team of Sutton BNI is again organising The Big Network, at the Holiday Inn Sutton, on 13 October 2011 at 7pm. Networking is increasingly recognised as one of the most powerful ways of expanding a business, and BNI (Business Network International) is the world’s most successful organisation of this kind. BNI Sutton, the chapter which I joined in 2009, meets on Thursdays at 6.45am, when we pass referrals to each other and exchange information which can help us promote each other’s businesses.
If you were not at the first event, in June, you missed a great party, but now’s your chance. We’re keen to meet businesses which tend not to be represented at our breakfast meetings, and explore how we can work together. It’s great value at £10 a head, including a glass of wine and a light buffet.
If this sounds like your sort of evening, but you haven’t yet received an invitation, please email me and I’ll get you on the guest list.
Categories: BNI, Networking
June 14th, 2011
Walk into a Thursday morning meeting of Sutton BNI and you’ll find people are wearing name badges with their trade or profession identified. Nothing new there – at BNI, as at other networking groups, we need to know what work people do, if we’re going to be able to pass referrals to them. At Sutton, though, we’ve just had our badges redesigned, and very smart they are, too: name, business name, job title, logo. Very helpful, especially for visitors who don’t know the regulars: if I’m working up an idea for an article about recycling, for example, I look out for references to waste, environment, and so on. And if someone needs help with publicity, the word ‘journalist’ on my badge is a helpful clue.
But what’s this? My badge has a green stripe across the bottom. Alan Gristwood, on the other hand, has a red stripe on his badge. Why the different colours? It’s all about power teams. Gristwood is our painter and decorator, and the red stripe on his badge tells you he’s in the ‘trades’ power team, which also includes plumber Mark Thaw, electrician John Sell and others. My green livery marks me as one of the ‘business services’ power team, also including web and graphic designer Keiran Wynyard, IT support specialist Alan Johnson, printer Carolyn Reilly and others. (All our members are here.)
In BNI terms, a power team is a group of members who tend to share the same clients, and so are likely to produce referrals for each other. The business services power team is bringing 100 of those clients together at the Holiday Inn Sutton on 23 June 2011 from 7pm to 9pm, for The Big Network. We’re doing this to spark off communication with businesses which employ five or more people. We’re also aware that some of these people are not willing to meet us at 7am. At £10 a ticket, including welcoming glass of wine and light buffet, we reckon The Big Network is the best show in town.
Categories: BNI
May 29th, 2011
Fifties night to raise funds for life-changing operation
A 1950s dinner dance, being held on 10 June at the Holiday Inn, Sutton, could transform the life of a 12-year-old local girl. Dana, who has cerebral palsy, needs surgery which could get her out of her wheelchair and make her more independent. The “Fifties” event, featuring Surrey Jive, is being held to raise funds for Dana’s treatment.
Dana was diagnosed with cerebral palsy when she was a year old. She is affected by spasticity, mainly in her legs, and reduced muscle tone compared with other girls of her age. Her walking is limited and, because of her mobility problems, Sera Johnston, Dana’s mother, has to help her fetch and carry, get up and down stairs. Outside the home, Dana uses a wheelchair. Without surgery, Dana will be confined to the wheelchair for the rest of her life.
Dana and Sera live in Sutton, in South London, a short journey from several of Britain’s leading hospitals. But for the operation which Dana needs, which will make her more independent, she has to travel to St Louis, Missouri, in the United States, where Dr Park, a neurosurgeon, has been having success with surgery on children with similar problems to Dana. Sera has set up Dana’s Walk to the Stars, a charity, to raise the £60,000 needed to fund the travel and Dana’s treatment. So far £20,000 has been raised.
The operation is called selective dorsal rhizotomy (SDR); in a two-and-a-half-hour procedure, an opening will be made at the base of Dana’s spine, to expose the nerve-ends in the spinal column; the nerve ends will be tested individually – those which are not viable will be severed, leaving the viable nerve-ends intact. After recovery, a course of therapy will help the viable nerve-ends to come into play, and there are good prospects that Dana will be able to walk sufficiently well, that she will no longer need a wheelchair. “The operation will make her more independent,” says Sera.
The health watchdog NICE has released guidelines to recognise that SDR is an effective procedure. Primary care trusts decide whether it is justified in individual cases. But to all intents and purposes, the treatment is not yet available in the UK, for someone of Dana’s age and with her problems. One neurosurgeon working in the UK, who has been trained in the United States, will be reviewing patients who may be suitable candidates for SDR, but sadly this is only in one part of the UK.
Dana has been intensively screened, and last November a panel of experts agreed that she was a suitable candidate for surgery. Her operation has been scheduled for 4 August, leaving only two months to raise the rest of the funds needed.
At the 1950s night items up for auction include an authentic signed Chelsea FC shirt; Louis Vuitton handbag; Jaeger handbag; Nintendo Wii; rock band drum set; and Hot Diamond necklace. Raffle prizes will include: a case of wine; Next vouchers; children’s DVDs; Cook vouchers; and David Lloyd passes for four people. All funds raised will go directly to Dana’s appeal – there are no administrative costs to pay.
Tickets for the 1950s night are available from the Holiday Inn at £25 each, including welcoming drink and buffet dinner. Or email danaswalktothestars@gmail.com or call Sera Johnston on 07747 612510.
For further information about the campaign, go to www.danaswalktothestars.org.uk
Further information: Sera Johnston
E: danaswalktothestars@gmail.com M: 07747 612510
Issued for Dana’s Walk to the Stars by Words for Business
Categories: News
April 9th, 2011
OK, let’s be up-front about this: I’m talking to myself here. This blog still has ‘L’ plates attached, and I’m out for a driving lesson.
Thought I’d like to acknowledge things I particularly enjoyed on 1 April. Sir Richard Branson announced on Twitter that he’d bought the planet Pluto, which should put him ahead in the tourism space race. (Nice one, RB.) I hear the US Food and Drug Administration is asking Congress to outlaw the #hashtag as it believes it is a weapon of the marajuana mafia. And Today on Radio4 did a nice spoof on 3D broadcasting.
But that was last week. Time to move on. Don’t make me laugh.
Categories: Humour
